Guest Post By SARAH SPENCER
So, for whatever reason, you’ve found yourself back in the unenviable position of being in the dating pool. If you have the good fortune of casting your line and reeling in a good catch, how do you keep them interested?
Take a look at David Snyder’s NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) video on “How to Make Someone Love You in 20 Minutes or Less.”
Yes, it’s over an hour, so here are some of the highlights:
1. Is S/he worth my time? Ask open-ended questions first so you don’t invest a lot of time (or money) into a dating disaster. Let’s say you’re at an art opening and there’s a cash bar. You can ask “Hey, great event. Do you know what the drink specials are?” Make it specific and unassuming. If they engage, great! Follow up with “So what brought you here?” Glance at their feet – if toes point toward you, keep going. If not, move on.
2. Career/passion: Lead up with “So, are you here for work or fun?” “What do you do?” and “How did you ‘fall’ into that?” The piece resistance? “What keeps the spark alive – what do you love to do?” Using subtle words like “fun” and “fall” work on the subconscious and start moving the attraction needle in your favor.
3. Childhood experiences: At this point, you can look for a quieter place to talk and ask “I’m curious, where did you grow up?” “Cleveland? What did you used to play?” “You loved to play Batman? Any other games?” “Bikes? A girly bike or banana seat?”
After asking these questions, you are now embedded in these experiences of his/her subconscious.
Reflective listening: Don’t just ask the questions and walk away – be genuinely curious. There is nothing sexier than someone who listens and REMEMBERS what they’ve just heard. Reflective listening is simply repeating the story back to them. DON’T paraphrase – remember the words EXACTLY as they were told to you.
The eyes have it: Make sure you look your potential date by holding their gaze in one eye. No, it’s not a staring contest, just care about what they’re sharing with you, open your heart so you create a heart-to-heart openness trigger. This loving gaze creates a powerful neurological connection.
When I was dating, the minute I stopped making every man I dated “The One,” and just simply enjoyed getting to know someone new, I thoroughly enjoyed going out. By using these questions, the conversations flowed more easily, the connections were deeper and friendships were built long after my dating days were over. My dating experiences inspired my novel, “A Man to Honor You,” a paranormal romance focused on finding your soulmate.
Your soulmate arrives when you feel s/he is no longer missing. Love the ones you’re with and best wishes on making some new (and meaningful) connections.
– Sarah Spencer