Guest Post By ERIKA KIND
The history behind “I’m Free – Awareness of Who You Are by Discovering Who You Are Not!”
I am the first of three girls in my family. When I was a child and teenager I was taught that I had to get strong: don’t show weakness, don’t cry, bring arguments, stand tall, don’t fail, show results. At least I took this belief over. It was my personality. But I was afraid not to fulfill these expectations in order to not be punished or humiliated. I buried the real Erika since over time she was in my way in order to develop the expected personality. I played a role of which I thought had to be my real me. Over time I did not know who the real me was. I only felt that in certain situations there was something tearing me apart. My heart and mind where fighting a war.
I had no self-esteem since I always checked the opinion of others (important persons in my life) first before I said something. When I was asked or questioned about my opinion I did not know what to say and felt totally embarrassed and lost. That way I said less and less, but inside the frustration grew. My insecurity made me develop lots of fears and I felt myself under permanent pressure to meet the expectations of my surrounding. I started to read books, join seminars and lectures about self-development in order to find out more about myself. One day it was simply too much. I was asking myself: Do you want to live a life which is not yours or do you finally want to stand up and explore your possibilities? I hit rock bottom and therefore knew I couldn’t fall any deeper. I started to embed all I learned and risked complete confusion since everything started to change around me. My husband and I went through a serious crises which almost killed our relationship and therefore our marriage.
Six months of listening to and concentrating on myself, of not making compromises, and of risking critics made me realize that none of my fears were true. I suddenly was respected since I respected myself. I suddenly got powerful instead of getting totally lost. I suddenly felt rising up a zest for life I never knew before. And at the end of those six months was a big breakthrough that caused me to write my first book and to publish my poems. I was not afraid anymore of sharing my thoughts and feelings. And because of that I wanted to share in my books all the beautiful unfolding that went along with it.
That was five years ago. Meanwhile I have published four books, and am working on my fifth one. I produce my songs with my lyrics and stand in front of different audiences for lectures, workshops, or seminars. Last October a dream came true. I had the chance of a book signing in Pasadena at the Hay House I CAN DO IT convention. It is the biggest event where you can meet authors like Wayne Dyer, Gregg Braden, Doreen Virtue, and many more at their workshops and lectures. When I was signing, Doreen Virtue was also signing opposite.
Regarding my marriage: My husband and I started over. That half-year was the best cleaning process ever. We started from a new platform and have a relationship that is beyond anything I had dreamed of before.
The possibility to change our life toward a direction that fills us with happiness, joy and enthusiasm is always available. There is no “too early” or “too late.” It can happen in this very moment. We don’t need to turn around our whole life in an instant but we can begin with little steps. We can begin with steps and goals we know we can achieve. After a while those steps and goals will become bigger since we grow on our successful experience.
I couldn’t be any happier about how my life went. I don’t regret one single decision I made and I am grateful for the hard times. Without them I would have never come to know the beauty of life in all its depths and colors and I wouldn’t be where and who I am today. And this is only the top of the iceberg. I am the most grateful for finally trusting my inner voice. I will never go back. No way!
– Erika Kind