I recently watched an Oprah interview with Dr. Phil and he said something that really struck a nerve with me. I’ll paraphrase, he said, “Just because you share DNA with someone doesn’t give them the right to mistreat you.”
WOW. I can’t tell you how many clients, friends and family members I have communicated that message to over the years. Many of us make the concession that because they are “family” we should allow someone’s bad behavior. I was even guilty of that some time ago. Not anymore.
I have clearly-defined healthy boundaries. I teach them to others now. Are you ready to learn about healthy family boundaries in your life?
Take a few moments and simply consider these next few questions.
- Would you let a stranger or acquaintance get away with this behavior? If the answer is no, then why are you letting this “family” member?
- Are you sacrificing your comfort, emotional health, wellness or safety to accommodate this person? If the answer is yes, then why? If the answer is because they are family or I love them; go back to number 1.
- Do interactions with this person add or detract from your energy? If they are detracting from your energy then consider why you choose to allow this to happen.
This can be a tough lesson about tough love and yes, there are people you may have to love from a distance because they are not capable of being healthy in your life. But this should be the start of a conversation at least with yourself, then perhaps you can move that conversation out to others. Some people simply have not learned your boundaries because you haven’t communicated them.
For the healing of your relationships, you must communicate your boundaries. If you are dealing with a healthy, loving individual, they will eventually learn and find their place in your life. Sure, they’ll make mistakes, but they’ll often make new ones before repeating the old ones.
If this is not a healthy/loving individual they will continue to blow past your boundaries with no regard for your needs. That’s when you get to decide: is the best healing for this relationship the letting go? But at least then, you get to choose.
You might want to try my Better Relationships hypnosis/meditation MP3 -then let me know what changes.